Why I Prey

Content Warnings: Violence, Physical Abuse, Mentions of Self-depreciation

For attention? I cannot know.

For the sake of it and for the show.

The fists on my wrists they control me,

I want to exchange them, I cannot flee.

Treated as a monster everyday

By the same school that calls nerds “saints”

Leered at by unwelcoming eyes

Never been a chum, a fella, one of the guys.

Like clockwork, he sits, with his bagged lunch,

Peanut butter and jam, apple juice ain’t much.

Still, it’s more than what I got.

For this, I need to make sure I fought.

They tell me detention,

I hear salvation!

For a few hours, I’m safe from damnation,

Until I go home and he wreaks his “justification”

Punch for punch meets my stomach and jaws

For a stepfather, he has all the biggest flaws.

Carrying a wrath like the strike of Ali,

And the bite that met Evander Holyfield

Sirens now. No air to breathe.

Expecting to be dragged away for my brutality.

Imagine that. Stepdad’s who they want.

Abuse, neglect, and that’s just page one

The very next day back at school,

The same eyes leer, I’m still a “tool.”

Finding my last victim with his same sandwich,

He doesn’t run, he doesn’t even flinch.

I break down in tears and fall to my knees.

Grabbing him in my arms, “forgive me, please.”

He says hugging me back, the whole schoolyard stares,

“He can’t hurt you anymore. I hope you’re aware.”

I preyed before in a different sense than today.

Yesterday it wasn’t right. Now, I really truly… pray.